Dear Diary;
Hoveround Power Chair arrived yesterday. The delivery guy was pretty funny – he didn’t think it was really me until I showed him my smashed up ring that I wear under my shirt on a chain around my neck.

This chair is the freaking BALLS – especially with the dashboard Jesus on the handlebars and HONK IF YOU THINK I’M JESUS bumpersticker… Can’t believe how quiet it is! I snuck up to within arm’s reach of Cardinal Nardozzi and would have scared the shit outta him if I hadn’t cut that loud one (I gotta cut back on the three-bean salad at lunch). I’m telling you, this is gonna be WAY more fun than the time we set up Angelo with that fake exorcism (she was actually a stripper)…