Dear Diary;
The sisters woke up early this morning all excited about their Saint Patrick’s Day present: a green tee shirt that reads, KISS ME I’M IRISH. Seriously??? First off, I’m not Irish, you stupid bitches. Second, I ain’t gonna wear it (polyester blends makes me itchy). Third, no one gives St. Patrick’s day presents; not even the feckin’ oirish. And fourth, don’t wake me up so damned early on a Sunday, girls… I’m freaking done with that.
Besides, there are only about three people in all God’s world that look good in green. Not even St. Patty himself looked good in green. You never see pictures of him in green – and I know: I used to hold the key to all that religious art stuff. And I’ll bet it’s because he probably looked like shit in green. Especially with that pale limey complexion and all them snakes around him…
Too bad that Jorge didn’t name himself after Saint Patrick. Woulda given himself his own holiday. I know how much he likes that whiskey and soda bread. It shows on his big fat ass…