Dear Diary;
Apparently, the liquor cabinet key I left behind doesn’t work. Turns out I inadvertently left them the key to my locker at the Club. Explains why I can’t find my swimming trunks anywhere… Anyhow, my secretary is driving it over this morning.

Speaking of swimming trunks, they finally opened the pool here. Thank Christ! Unfortunately, the papparazzi are camped out in the trees just over the security fence, trying to snap a photo of me bathing topless with Mother Mary Clarence. Fuckers…