Dear Diary;
Spent yesterday afternoon watching the inaguration. Such a difference: eight years ago, I was standing on a stage in the sweltering sun wearing the itchiest garb you could imagine, for what seemed like days. Honest to shit, even my shorts were driving me freaking nuts – and I could feel tiny beads of sweat making their way toward my buttcrack. Total suck!! And there I was yesterday, sitting in my La-Z-Boy super-plush recliner man-chair, eating Doritos and sipping chilled tequila while wearing my favorite I’M WITH DUMBASS tee-shirt (and with Sister Concetta Consuella seated next to me, no one would deny that). Yessiree, I totally prefer this inaguration!

Incidentally, I sure hope they washed that pallium of mine before they placed it on Jorge: last time I wore that, it slipped off and fell into the urinal…