Dear Diary;
I am OUTTA HERE! Getting ready for the copter ride that will fly me off to my vacay for a few months. Even though it’s really not a vacation: the stupid-ass contractors need more time, so they’re shipping me off. Turds… Besides, everyone thinks it would be best for me to be out of town while the new guy gets settled. So to make things easier for him, I left behind the key to the liquor cabinet, the code to override the parental controls on the porn channels, and those hideous brown shoes the Mexican folks made for me (they look shit-awful with my yoga pants… and they smell funny). Instead, I’ll be taking the pair of Nike Hyperdunks that Dennis Rodman sent me last week. Those babies are the balls!

Oops – they’re tweeting that everything’s ready for the de-poping. Castle Gandolfo, here I come!