Dear Diary; They installed the wrong damned tile in the master bathroom. Can you freaking believe it? I specifically selected the Tumbled Travertine Tile in Tuscany Walnut, and those fuckshits laid down tumbled marble. I’ve spent the past thirty years walking around on marble… don’t they know I am soooooo done with marble?? I should …
Category Archives: General
2/17/13
Dear Diary; Everyone’s sending me retirement gifts! Gotta get the word out that I don’t need any more OLD GUYS RULE coffee mugs. And I’m not a tee-shirt person, but the TOO POOPED TO POPE shirt from Sister Mary Josephine is a freaking riot. So far, though, my favorite present of all was the singing …
2/16/13
Dear Diary; Just realized that tomorrow will be my last working Sunday. Trying to decide whether eBay or Craig’s List is a good place to sell my vestments… Speaking of which, the producers at Queer Eye for the Straight Guy read my post for yesterday and want to help select my new clothes. We tape …
2/15/13
Dear Diary; Cleaning out my closet and suddenly realizing that I have no Friday-casual. It’s all formal vestments and stoles – BLECH! Spending the day shopping online for a new chill-out wardrobe. Seriously considering yoga pants… The mitres have gotta go as well, so I bought a new hat that reads SO LONG TENSION, HELLO …
2/14/13
Dear Diary; Just found out I was never signed up for the Vatican Pension Program. Turns out they all thought I’d die in my bed. Getting together with Human Resources this morning to iron out a settlement. I don’t think they want me talking to the press about this fuckup. T-minus fourteen and counting…
2/13/13
Dear Diary; Got a peek at my new retirement home today. The man cave has 600 satellite channels, but no on-demand flicks. What a bunch of ass wipes… I’ll call the dish guys when I’m settled in. Fifteen more days!
2/12/13
Dear Diary; Spent today purchasing a pole on Amazon and googling for fishing cruises along the Mediterranean. What the Hay – it was good enough for St. Pete… Only sixteen more days!
2/11/12
Dear Diary; I can see my new house from here! They’re taking me over tomorrow for a tour. I gave them my wish list a few months back. Man cave, walk-in closet, indoor bocce court, sleep number bed…That screwball contractor’s got seventeen days to finish it all or I’m sending him straight to hell.
2/10/13
Dear Diary; I finally did it – I quit! Turned in the resignation this morning. Shocked the shit outta them all. Well, actually they’ve known about it for months. Some of them, at least. But the rest were freaking floored. You shoulda seen their faces! As there wasn’t a policy in place for papal resignation, …