Dear Diary;
Fun April Fools stuff going on here yesterday. Monsignor Flores covered the confessional kneelers with super glue, which sent screams of both terror and delight throughout the chapel all morning. And Sister Carla Mae replaced the leftover Easter candy with laxatives – which woulda been hysterical if I hadn’t grabbed a handful right before bed last night (I haven’t slept a wink and had no fucking idea I could run so fast). But the best prank of all was when the deacons replaced Bishop Ricci’s Mass vestments with a Jedi costume. Poor Alberto was so hungover from our all-night Easter-Rita Fiesta, he didn’t even notice until he looked down during the homily and saw the light saber hanging from his cincture! I’m telling ya, I laughed so hard I pooped a tiny bit in my undies (which made me really glad I didn’t send back the ShamWOWs after all…).

Meanwhile, Sister Juanita refuses to give back my bullet. Which is really pissing me off, but for some reason she seems happier than I’ve ever seen her…